Fear and Running in Las Vegas
by Mark Jimenez
The problem with running every day is that when injuries pop up, healing can be problematic. I’ve actually been very lucky for the last 1,000+ days to not have any injuries at all pop up. It would seem, however, that my luck has run out.
Two Sunday’s ago I had a great long run. I’m in the middle of training for the Surf City Marathon. It’s a race I do every year and it was the first marathon I ever did. This year will mark 11 years in a row doing the race. It’s a fun race right on the beach, and much of it is run on Pacific Coast Highway and on the beach walkway. I highly recommend it.
Mark finishing his first ever marathon in 2010.
After that 18 mile run I had a little bit of pain in my ankle, but it was nothing I hadn’t had before. A sore gas pedal muscle is what I call it. The muscle you use to push the gas or brake when you’re driving. That’s what hurt. Monday came and my 2 miles was fine. I pushed a little harder than I should have on my 3 miles on Tuesday, and come Wednesday my ankle was swollen and puffy. It’s been that way ever since.
I’ve still managed to run on it, but it hurts. I’m icing it regularly and taking ibuprofen. The amazing Dr. Prince, who I’ve written about in this space before, thinks it’s something called tenosynovitis. The pain has moved around a bit, and I’ve been wearing a compression sock and elevating my foot at night. That seems to help with the swelling. I’ve also dunked it in a bucket full of ice and water. Who knew that could hurt so much? Only the wonderful music of Taylor Swift helped me “calm down” enough to keep my foot in the bucket of ice until it went numb.
See what I did there Taylor Swift - Calm Down? That’s dad joke gold right there.
So I've taken care of 3 out of 4 factors for RICE (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevate). Rest, that's going to be the tricky one. In any case, I’m currently trying to balance my training load with running every day with healing, and it isn’t very easy. The injury couldn’t have come at a worse time. Last week was supposed to be a heavy load of training, and I missed it. I still got my runs in, but not at the distance I should have. My body is missing the miles and I’m feeling a bit off. The ankle is hurting and it doesn’t seem to be improving quickly, or at all.
Oh for the days of my youth when I could heal my heel seemingly immediately (more dad jokes there)!
Mark and Dewey after an iteration of the Surf City Marathon
Honestly, though, all this humor is hiding a fear that this run streak is going to end. No runner likes to hear the words str*** frac****, but I’m worried that’s what this might be. If it is, then my run streak will come to an end. And while I’ve always been realistic that it will end at some point, the possibility that it is near worries me. I’ve been so happy with my runs lately. I’ve stayed in the moment and not worried about pace or anything other that how happy running makes me. I’m worried about what will happen if I stop running. Remember, I run to fight depression. Fight club anybody?
I am Mark’s inflamed sense of rejection.
Dewey, H, John, and Mark after a Surfy City Marathon
Fear. It’s a powerful emotion. Empires have been built on fear. Politicians still use it today to motivate the masses. For me, it’s fear of myself. Fear of the deep dark place that I run away from every day. Fear of failure, fear of people seeing through me, and most of all fear that I’ve failed at the most important job I have: being a father.
Hard to believe 3 of these 4 girls can drive now, even though they had mustaches all those years ago.
Fear is scary, and I have a lot of fear. It builds up inside of me. Sometimes, it even makes me feel sick.
I am Mark’s raging Bile Duct.
It’s hard to describe depression to people who have never dealt with it. There are different level and depths to it. It’s like falling into a hole and not being willing or able to climb out. Or trying to climb out only to have the top be constantly out of reach. I’m not there right now, but I’m very scared of being there. My best weapon against that place is to run. And I run every damn day.
Right now my fear of depression is more powerful than the pain I feel as I run. That is why I run every day. It isn’t to add another number to the ever-growing number of days in a row. It is to keep the dark abyss of depression that chases me away.
I am Mark’s amygdala.
Mark finishing Surf City in 2018
I’m not too worried about the Surf City Marathon. I love running, so if I’m able to complete that marathon then I’ll be a happy camper. What I’m really worried about is the depression catching up to me if I stop running. That’s what I’m running away from, and that’s what I’m scared of most. Fear, it’s a powerful motivator.
I am Mark’s impending sense of doom.
The good news is that my ankle is currently tingling. I actually don’t know if that’s good news or bad news, but I choose to take it as good news. I seem to have some more flexibility and mobility in it, which is also good. So hopefully this thing is on the mend and I won’t have to worry about my never-ending race with depression again for at least a few months.
Mark with the pace group at Surf City in 2019
One thing I do know is this: when I run, every run is a good run. It doesn’t matter how fast or how far I go. When I run, it’s great. Well, I know lots of things. For example, if you cross a pig and a unicorn you get a pigicorn. I actually met a pigicorn once, but that's a story for another day. But as far as running goes, every run is a good run. I just have to make sure I keep running. The run streak is still active, 1,149 days and counting, but it's at a very scary place right now.
If you’d like to run with me you can find me every Tuesday at 6:00pm at our group run starting from the Henderson store, every Thursday at 6:00pm at our group run starting from the Centennial store, and every Saturday at 7:30am from our group run starting at Dunkin on West Charleston.
I am Mark’s inspirational sense of community.
Update on JJ Santana
Back in December JJ's Road to CIM ended with him qualifying for the Olympic Trials, held on Leap Day this year! JJ's Road to CIM is now the Road to Atlanta! We'll have an update coming soon! In the mean time JJ will be pacing the women's elite field through 30k at the Chevron Houston Marathon. Simply amazing!
I am Mark's sense of awe.
JJ Santana at a recent training run